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Our stories are the tellers of us... |
As two teens adapt to maternity and two more teens discover they're pregnant, the challenges of teenage parenthood have altered the dynamics in our group. Now there is a baby passed from embrace to embrace of thirty girls' caring arms. As the adult who arranged for a life skills counselor to guide the girls in pregnancy prevention and safe sex; who highlighted the availability of free contraceptives at clinics and shared in their dreams of tertiary education and hopeful careers... my disappointment has slowly dissipated into understanding. I don't encourage teen parenthood, I don't condone it. In the context of our group, I do understand it. Orphan teen girls battle loneliness, a sense of not belonging and a lack of genuine care from their guardians. So, they seek affection elsewhere. Sugar daddy's shower them with gifts of toiletries, clothes and basic needs... and in return demand unprotected sex. 'Traditional' values have been discarded and young men succumb to peer pressure and coercion, raping the very girls they grew up with as neighbors. Their first sexual experiences are forced or under threat of force. Most don't plan to get pregnant, but many do. Social pressures make African girls feel they will only be accepted as women once they have proven their fertility. Transient relationships with the fathers usually end when they learn of the pregnancy. Responsibility falls on the young mom and in many cases her aging Gogo. |
The reality is that children are raising children.
Will these girls raise decent, responsible men of tomorrow? Will their daughters follow in their mothers footsteps, the consequences of poverty the winner? Teen moms can be as caring, loving and perfectly imperfect as any mother. They are younger, have more to learn, have less wisdom but posses an intuitive instinct. Their babies are our hope for the next generation - free of HIV/Aids and thriving from growing up with at least one parent who cherishes them, no matter how young that parent may be.
That innocent baby, born to a child herself, offers a fundamental human need -
to love and be loved in return... and love remains imperative to life.
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In this time of gifting, generosity and gratitude… love, appreciation and respect are the greatest gifts we can give each other. Abundant qualities sewn into 100 Vscarves by Soweto Vgirls, custom made as gifts for amazing Vwomen and Vmen, worldwide. Each Vscarf is one-of-a-kind, handmade with Vlove and fueled with Vwishes. Vscarves are banners with a visual voice, wraps that embrace our tribe and symbols of solidarity. They are Vambassadors confirming: A Vevolution is in flight! Our call to action is: please spread our message, make it contagiously ripple from sister to daughter, from mom to granny, from brother to friend. Inspire dialogue and share stories that connect us all, that thread us from a tin shack at the southern tip of Africa to the buzz of NYC, the joie de vivre of Paris and the remotest rural corner of the Congo. Kindness, like a boomerang, always returns. We ask for you to pass this kindness on, pay-it-forward to every girl that has been raped, to every woman that has been violated. These are gifts steeped in meaning for a cause we believe in. James Lowell wrote: It’s not what we give, but what we share, for the gift without the giver is bare.
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As V-Girls, we have the right to peaceful public protest, the right to raise our voices. We refuse to ignore the 1 in 3 statistic and we refuse to become imune to the multitudes of stories of violation, rape and abuse that touch us, our friends and our African sisters. Hundreds of V-Girls, and brave V-Guys too, from all corners of Gauteng, met at Constitution Hill and marched to Newtown. Despite the sweltering heat wave they managed to chant, sing and dance while climbing the steep hills through meandering traffic. V-Campaigners have given birth to a mass movement. The V-Cause is marching on...Viva VeVolution!
“V-Girls SA is an anti-violence movement which shatters taboo’s and addresses issues affecting girls in society. We have formed a network of girl activists and advocates empowering themselves and others to create the change they imagine for the world”. - Busi Mkhumbuzi, V-Girls Action Leader in South Africa
Related V-Stories:
Eco-Emo Skirt Scarves
V-Girls Are Refusers!
We are Emotional Creatures
The Pink Effect
Coco Loves Being A Girl
View more photos from the march.
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The theme for The Refuser March is 'eco-emo'. Eco = Ecological and Emo = Emotional. V-Girls SA requested that participants make a short skirt from recycled fabric to wear on the day. "This represents the beleif that young women, like recyclables, can be regenerated to greatness." Inspired by My Short Skirt written by Eve Ensler.
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My short skirt is not an invitation
a provocation
an indication
that I want it
or give it
or that I hook.
My short skirt
is not begging for it
it does not want you
to rip it off me
or pull it down.
My short skirt
is not a legal reason
for raping me
although it has been before
it will not hold up
in the new court.
My short skirt, believe it or not
has nothing to do with you.
My short skirt
is about discovering
the power of my lower calves
about cool autumn air traveling
up my inner thighs
about allowing everything I see
or pass or feel to live inside.
My short skirt is not proof
that I am stupid
or undecided
or a malleable little girl.
My short skirt is my defiance
I will not let you make me afraid
My short skirt is not showing off
this is who I am
before you made me cover it
or tone it down.
Get used to it.
My short skirt is happiness
I can feel myself on the ground.
I am here. I am hot.
My short skirt is a liberation
flag in the women’s army
I declare these streets, any streets
my vagina’s country.
My short skirt
is turquoise water
with swimming colored fish
a summer festival
in the starry dark
a bird calling
a train arriving in a foreign town
my short skirt is a wild spin
a full breath
a tango dip
my short skirt is
initiation
appreciation
excitation.
and everything under it
is Mine.
Mine.
Mine.
“I love being a girl, I can feel what you’re feeling as you're feeling it inside the feeling before.” @EmoCreature
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My name is Coco Kimelman, I’m 17 and from the United States. I came to South Africa as part of the V-Day/ V-Girl network and as Eve Ensler’s assistant/script editor on her new show, Emotional Creature. Mostly, I came to take part in the birth of the South African V-Girls Movement. I have so much respect for the women and girls of SA as they are the most beautiful, courageous and sassy I have ever encountered. One of the greatest adventure stories is the day Stacey and the Story Scarves girls invited me to Soweto. We honored Nelson Mandela’s birthday, a monumental day in SA, and we celebrated the power we as young women hold in our hands. We each were gifted great fuzzy gloves that definitely had girl written all over them. I chose a pink pair and had no idea what to do with them, but it took no time for the Story Scarves girls to share their skills and kindness. I cannot tell you how powerful it feels when you are let in, when that bond between girls is formed and you feel comfortable and loved by the ones who surround you. The Story Scarves girls let me in. They gave me a taste of who they are. We talked girl. When girls gather their posse and reject gossip, catiness and the need to please, we become an indestructible unit of girl who love to laugh and chat, powerful and confidently ready to take the world by storm. Girls have this inevitable bond, it makes us this fantastic natural resource. I love the way it is impossible not to form a bond with other girls, even if we do not share the same history, we share all that makes us girl. We share our “girl cells” which are the source of our affection, emotions and connection. Being a girl comes with a great amount of responsibility and a lot of frustration. I have witnessed the power of rejections, pain and denial that is taken out on women as if they are inanimate objects. We can break, we can tear and we can feel what you do to us inside and out. We may have been silenced like a toy Barbie or a raggedy Ann doll in the past, but that is not going to last. Yes there is war and 1 in 3 South African girls are being raped - but we are changing that. V-Girls Are Refusers not “pleasers” - we will not let our boyfriends hit us, our fathers rape us, soldiers ruin us and mothers make us hate ourselves. We are finding our voices and surprising ourselves at the power that is truly within us. We are girls and for that I am grateful, honored and proud. If I have learned anything in South Africa, it is that women are the powerful force of every country. It is the greatest time to be a girl! I LOVE BEING A GIRL! |
Cast members and V-Girl Action team leaders made Story Scarves in the green room next to the theatre after a performance. Meet the ladies that received these Story Scarves as gifts for their daughters and grandaughters in this story: Yarn Bombing Mandela Day
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Eve Ensler is in Jozi to launch I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World. The Story Scarves girls from Soweto were privileged to join 150 V-Girls at Eve's soul stirring workshop. We gifted Eve a handmade Story Scarf which she loves and Trudy joined the V-Girls Action Team to represent our group.
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Vivid, Vivacious, Victorious V-Girls are Voracious young women bravely raising their voices for a world without violence against girls, a country free of rape, abuse and suppression of the Valiant female essence. V-Girls live as REFUSERS! Refusing to please, refusing to be violated, refusing to be victimized, refusing to let the consequences of poverty vanquish their brave spirits. V-Girls are activists reaching out to all girls in South Africa. Join our movement and become a Refuser! It's in our hands to make a difference and the time is now! Shout it out loud... I AM A REFUSER! Courageous Valour makes V-Girls true Sheroes! A girl Vevolution is in flight!
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Thank you Eve Ensler and VDay for embracing us and indelibly stirring our souls. |
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Thank you to our volunteers, Tanya and her awesome friends, who did more than their 67minutes for Mandela Day. The home baked choc chip cookies were yummy!
Related stories:
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Meet our Hero |
In celebration of Mother’s Day, this touching story tells of two moms and their daughters, one in Toronto, Canada, and one in Diepsloot, South Africa. Two scarves travelled across oceans and continents initiating a friendship between two little angels that hopefully will last a lifetime!
Meet the Shero
Maude grew up in KwaZulu Natal, South Africa. She lives in Johannesburg and has bravely started her own recruitment company. Maude has five siblings and loves the idea of a wholesome family structure. She learnt about Story Scarves during the World Cup when she met some of the girls at a fan park and cheered with them. This is her story.
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Growing up as a black girl child without a father figure was the norm in our communities. Fathers left the townships to work in the mines and the cities. My parents were divorced when I was nine months and my father abandoned his family. My mom solely took care of our household. My father has missed out on the best years of my life and that is not replaceable. My female friends, in our late 20’s, were raised by our moms. Apart from having irresponsible fathers, our African fathers find it hard to connect with their daughters and become disappointed when they have female children as it challenges their manhood and the custodians of their family name. |
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When I was sixteen I met with my father briefly. We were awkward strangers. I called him by his first name and he was offended. He would have preferred me calling him baba. That was a tall order... I barely knew the man. He is my father, but he is not my dad. According to Zulu custom, a daughter cannot initiate a conversation with her father, we must speak only when spoken to and not make eye contact. Our mothers have to intervene and convey messages. This was all new to me. |
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My boyfriend has asked me to marry him. It is out of duty that my husband-to-be gathers an entourage of his Elders (his uncles) to request a meeting with my Elders (my uncles). My father will not be invited. Every bride wants to be escorted arm-in-arm by her father down the aisle on her wedding day. My father has not earned nor does he deserve that honour. I am not bitter. I have made peace. Our modern society has produced educated and liberated black men. I see black fathers loving their daughters, nurturing and caring for them. I have chosen a man as my husband that knows how to express emotion, a man who knows how to love and be loved. |
Kent Nerburn's quote resonates with me: “It is much easier to become a father than to be a dad.”
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